if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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