I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The Olympian is in my bed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
