I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
