i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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