I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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