it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
