My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
