im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
