i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
