So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
