I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
