Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
