1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
