I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
