I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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