PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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