That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
