My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
