the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
