Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
