forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
