apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
