I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
