from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
