Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
