I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
