i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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