Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
