apparently the secret to your success is patron
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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