non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
