Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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