Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
