We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
