remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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