but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize