I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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