Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize