Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
