he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
