Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
