Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
