Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
