he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
