I think I won the penis lottery.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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