It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
