I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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