did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
