i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
