Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
