I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize