I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
