I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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