Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
