just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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