Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
