just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize