If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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