I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
