the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I still have a little drunk in my system
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
