They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
