if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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