My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
