Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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