After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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