I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
